The Good ol’ Muffin Joke
Two muffins were sitting in the oven
One turns to the other and says, “Wow it’s hot in here!”
The other muffins says, “Woah! A talking muffin!!!”
The Barber Shop
A man walks into the barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions about having a problem with close shaving around the cheeks.
“I have just the thing,” says the barber. The barber reaches into his drawer and pulls out a small wooden ball. “Just place this thing between your cheeks and your gums.”
Then the barber gives the man the closest shave he has ever had.
When the shave was almost done, the man asked the barber, “What if I swallow this thing?”
The barber smiled and said, “Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does.”
A Blonde and Her Car
A blonde wanted to sell her car, so she called up her friend to see if she could have any help. The friend asked how many miles were on the car and the blonde said, “About 249,000 miles.” So the friend called up a mechanic who could put the mileage back to any number that was desired. So the blonde told him she wanted him to roll back the mileage to 40,000.
The next week the blonde’s friend called and asked if she had sold the car yet.
The blonde said,” Why would I want to sell my car? There are only 40,000 miles on it!”
So there was this third grade teacher who was trying to get her students enthusiastic about the picture day.
“Remember to bring $5 and wear a nice outfit. In future years, you’ll love looking at these pictures. You’ll be able to say, “Hey! That’s Jessica! She became a nurse!” or That’s Robbie! He became a movie star!”
A student from the back of the class pitched in.
“And that’s the teacher! She’s dead!”
A mother was sitting with her 6-month-old child on a train. A man across from them sat and stared at the child and finally said, “Man, that is one UGLY baby!’
Extremely upset, the women cried, “How could you say that?!? That is very horrible! You should be put in jail for saying something like that!”
A security guard came to the scene and asked the woman, “What’s the problem?”
Weeping and gasping for breath, the woman replied, “That man…so horrible….!
“Calm down, said the guard, “everything is going to be fine. The man is gone and there is no need to be worried. Relax. Would you like a glass of water?”
“Yes thank you,” replied the woman.
“Sure thing,” said the guard, “And you know what? I’ll even bring a banana for your monkey.”
Two men were digging a ditch on a very hot day. One said to the other, “Why are we down in this hole digging a ditch when our boss is up there in the shade of a tree?” “I don’t know,” replied the other, “I’ll go ask him.”
So he climbed out of the hole and went to his boss. “Why are we digging in the hot sun and you’re standig in the shade?” “Intelligence,” the boss said. “What’s intelligence?” asked the digger.
The boss said, “I’ll show you. I’ll put my hand on this tree and I want you to hit it with your fist as hard as you can.” The ditch digger took a mighty swing and tried to hit the boss’ hand. The boss removed his hand and the ditch digger hit the tree. The boss said, “That’s intelligence!”
The ditch digger went back to his hole. His friend asked, “What’d he say?” “He said we are down here because of intelligence.” “What’s intelligence?” his friend asked. The ditch digger put his hand on his face and said, “Take your shovel and hit my hand.”
A Rich Mans Dream
One day a multi billionaire was board, so he asked his butler to get him 3 men.
A few hours later the butler comes back. The man says "OK I've a deal you can't refuse. Who can swim successfully across this pool filed with sharks, eels, and leaches. The winner may have whatever his heat desires."
No one replies so gives up.
All of a sudden hears a splash. One of the men is swimming as fast as he can, dodging all the sharks, eels, and leaches.
The billionaire was so impressed that someone had enough guts take up his challenge. He congratulates and asks him what he wants.
replies "I want the Sun of a Bitch who pushed me in"
Funny Blonde Joke: The Haircut
The blonde just got her hair cut and the barber handed the blonde a mirror so that the blonde could look at her hair. After a few seconds of looking the blonde said, “It looks great; but could you make it a little longer in the back?”
Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want
The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and
calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior
officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this
car and murdered the owner.
Woman: Murdered the owner?Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car,
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The first officer is stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and
hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and
examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't
have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked
up the owner.
Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.
Larry: How much is 5Q +5Q ?
Larry: You're welcome !
Everyone in this world considers himself smart! That goes for the stupid people too who never think of themselves as dumb. We learn from their mistakes while laughing at their exploits. Now is the time to freak out with more of their gestures once you become a party to Stupid Jokes. The jokes will lighten your moods rescuing you from your daily anxieties.
Did you see the movie “You’ve got mail” starring Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan? If you did, then here’s a joke for you. A man was mowing in his front yard, when his attractive blonde neighbor came out and opened her mailbox. She then shut it down hardly and went inside. After a while, she came out again and then slammed the mailbox again after checking inside. When she did it the third time, the man called out if things were OK. She replied ‘Darn, my computer keeps saying “you’ve got mail” ‘!!! J
Humor arises out of other gripping scenarios as well. When an interviewer asks a candidate as to what he notices in him, the candidate replies very frankly that he has no ears. He gets thrown out. The second candidate is called but he is also rejected immediately because he gives the same answer. The third applicant enters and when the interviewer asks him the same question, he replies that he noticed that the interviewer is wearing contact lenses. The interviewer is happy and asks the reason. The man replies that he has no ears to wear the glasses.
More such hilarious jokes await you with Stupid Jokes. Some of these jokes could be stupid themselves. Two thieves steal everything in the house except the towels and soaps. Well, they must have been dirty crooks! And did you know why lions always have raw meat? The reason is that they do not know how to cook.Stupid Jokes are for you whether you are smart or stupid, so get going!.