A Redneck Retaliation
A ventriloquist was making fun of rednecks with his dummy at a bar. Then an angry redneck stood up, rolled up his sleeves ,and yelled, "I resent that!"
The ventriloquist started apologizing to the redreck.
The redneck looked at him and said, " You stay outta this, I''m talking to the guy on your lap!!!!
How can you tell if a redneck is married?
There is tobacco spit stains on BOTH sides of his pickup truck
Expensive Redneck Fishing Trip
Two redneck guys go on a fishing trip.
They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods.
They spend a fortune.
The first day they go fishing, but they don’t catch anything.
The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day.
It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.
As they’re driving home they’re really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, “Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?”
The other guy says, “Wow! It’s a good thing we didn’t catch any more!”
A man was taking his wife,
who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when his car went out of control and crashed.
Regaining consciousness, he saw his brother, a relentless practical joker, sitting at his bed side.
He asked his brother how his wife was doing and his brother said, “Don’t worry, everybody is fine and you have a son and a daughter.
But the hospital was in a real hurry to
get the birth certificates filed and since both you and your wife were unconscious, I named them for you.”
The husband was thinking to himself, “Oh no, what has he done now?” and asked with some trepidation, “Well, bro, what did you name them?”
Whereupon, his brother replied, “I named the little girl Denise.”
The husband, relieved, said, “That’s a lovely name! And what did you come up with for my son?”
The brother winked and replied, “Denephew.”
Redneck Lottery Winner
A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Jackson to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number.
The Redneck says, “I want my $20 million.”
The man replied, “No, sir. It doesn’t work that way. We give you a million today and then you’ll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years.”
The Redneck said, “Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it.”
Again, the man explains that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.
The Redneck, furious with the man, screams out, “Look, I want my money! If you’re not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my dollar back!”
It's A Boy...
Back in the woods, a redneck's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing." Soon a baby boy was brought into the world.
"Whoa there," said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down... I think there's Yet another one to come."
Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl.
"No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern... It seems there's yet another one in there!" cried the doctor.
The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor,
"Do you think it's the light that's attractin' 'em?"
Sue Ellen passed away so Billy Bob called 911. The operator promised to send someone out immediately and asked him where he lived.
"Right at the end of Eucalyptus Road," Billy Bob replied.
"Could you spell that for me please?" the operator asked.
After a very lengthy pause Billy Bob said, "How 'bout I just drag her on over to Pine Street and y'all can pick her up there?"
Redneck Special Forces
The Pentagon announced today the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the “United States Redneck Special Forces”.
These Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi, Missouri, Oklahoma, Tennessee and Texas boys will be dropped off into Iraq and have been given only the following facts about terrorists:
1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don’t like beer, pickups, country music, or Jesus.
5. They are DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE for the death of Dale Earnhardt
We expect the problem in Iraq to be over by Friday.
"You've just had your twelvth baby miss. What are you going to name this one?"
"But you named the last eleven phil"
"Yeah its great. I say phil go clean the room, they all go clean their room. I say phil come for dinner, they all come for dinner."
"But what if you only want one of them?"
"Oh! Then I call them by thier last name."
Redneck Wants to Fight
There were some backwoods hillbillies living across the river from each other, who feuded constantly. John hated Clarence with a passion and never passed up a chance to throw rocks across the river at Clarence. This went on for years until one day the Corps of Engineers came to build a bridge across that river. John was elated; he told his wife that finally he was going to get the chance to cross over and whip Clarence.
He left the house and returned in a matter of minutes. His wife asked what was wrong, didn't he intend to go over the bridge and whip Clarence? He replied that he never had really seen Clarence up close and didn't realize his size until he started over the bridge and saw the sign:
Redneck means a Caucasian from the lower socio-economic class, especially rural areas in the USA and Canada. Are you a Redneck? You can find that out if your dog sits beside you in the truck more often compared to your wife. Now you have the exciting option of knowing more about the suburban people by subscribing to Redneck Jokes. Rule your moods with lighter shades of life. Move with the rhythm of humor. Learn how the uncouth segment of people behaves in situations. A ventriloquist was targeting rednecks in one of his parodies with a dummy on his lap. A redneck stood up and protested. When the ventriloquist apologized, the redneck said he was talking to the dummy.
Some indicators that prove that a person is a redneck are wearing a particular hat, keeping an empty 5-gallon bucket in the house for domestic uses, remembering info about seed population, output of your farm, fertilizer performance but not recalling wife’s birthday, using the same knife for making bull calves steers as well as peeling apples and more!
You can tell that a redneck is married by the tobacco spit stains on either side of his lorry. You’ll come to know all this when you get subscribed to Redneck Jokes.Rednecks are so neat and cultured, aren’t they? A cowboy advises his grandson that he can live to a long life if he uses a little gunpowder with his oatmeal every day. He sure does and lives till he is hundred. He leaves behind a big family and also a 20 foot hole in the crematorium.
Explore the world of the rough and the crude with Redneck Jokes. Did you know that the word ‘Toothbrush’ was invented by a Redneck for if it were some other person he would have used the term ‘Teethbrush’. Fun will overtake you when you subscribe to Redneck Jokes!