A client who felt his legal bill was too high asked his lawyer to itemize costs. The statement included this item:
"Was walking down the street and saw you on the other side. Walked to the corner to cross at the light, crossed the street and walked quickly to catch up with you. Got close and saw it wasn't you. -$50.00."
Here's your fee schedule
A lawyer calls his client to tell him about his fee schedule.
"Alright," the lawyer says looking through his papers. "You owe me $1000 down and $417.58 cents each month for the next thirty-six months.
"What! That sounds like a car payment schedule," retorted the client.
"Your right. It's mine."
There are no honest lawyers
A lawyer was shopping for a tombstone. After he had made his selection, the stonecutter asked him what inscription he would like on it.
"Here lies an honest man and a lawyer," responded the lawyer.
"Sorry, but I can't do that," replied the stonecutter. "In this state, it's against the law to bury two people in the same grave. However, I could put `here lies an honest lawyer'."
"But that won't let people know who it is!" protested the lawyer.
"Sure it will," retorted the stonecutter. "People will read it and exclaim, "That's impossible!"
Lawyers give irrelevant information
Two women are on a transcontinental balloon voyage. Their craft is engulfed in fog, their compass gone awry. Afraid of landing in the ocean, they drift for days. Suddenly, the clouds part to show a sunlit meadow below. As they descend, they see a man walking his dog.
One of the flyers yells to the figure far below, "Where are we?"
The man yells back, "About a half mile from town."
Once again, the balloonists are engulfed in the mist. One flyer says to the other, "He must have been a lawyer."
The other says, "A lawyer! How do you know that?"
The first says, "That’s easy. The information he gave us was accurate, concise, and entirely irrelevant."
What type of tracks?
Two lawyers were out hunting when they came upon a couple of tracks. After close examination, the first lawyer declared them to be deer tracks. The second lawyer disagreed, insisting they must be elk tracks.
They were still arguing when the train hit them.
Ounces of brain for sale
A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains.
"How much does it cost for engineer brain?"
"Three dollars an ounce."
"How much does it cost for programmer brain?"
"Four dollars an ounce."
"How much for lawyer brain?"
"$1,000 an ounce."
"Why is lawyer brain so much more?"
"Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of brain?"
That's a real bargain
A Dublin lawyer died in poverty, and many people donated to a fund for his funeral.
The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury was asked to donate a shilling.
"Only a shilling?" said the Justice, "Only a shilling to bury an attorney?
Here's a guinea; go and bury twenty more of them."
A lawyer's dog, running around town unleashed, heads for a butcher shop and steals a roast. The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" The lawyer answers, "Absolutely."
"Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today."
The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50. The butcher, having a feeling of satisfaction, leaves.
Three days later, the butcher finds a bill from the lawyer: $100 due for a consultation.
You won't go to jail
A man who had been caught embezzling millions from his employer went to a lawyer seeking defense. He didn’t want to go to jail.
But his lawyer told him, "Don’t worry. You’ll never have to go to jail with all that money.”
And the lawyer was right. When the man was sent to prison, he didn’t have a dime.
You've changed my mind
Lawyer: "Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly?
Did you steal the car?"
Client: "After hearing your amazing argument in court this morning, I’m beginning to think I didn’t."
A world without laughter and humor would serve no benefit to anyone and carry a hollow meaning. We all need merry moments sweeping our worries away and what better way than to spend some time fishing for jokes.
Have you seen "Liar Liar" starring Jim Carrey where the many hilarious situations involving a Lawyer in dilemma never leave you alone? If you enjoyed the humor and irony in that movie then Lawyers Jokes are sure to lure your attention. Let the scales of justice work your way with judges, lawyers and criminals making fool of themselves. For instance you can tell that a lawyer is lying whenever his lips move. The situations are endless where the lawyers interrogate a defendant, argue with judges, count their fees or ask stupid questions. Like a lawyer asks a lady how her first marriage ended and she replies due to death. The lawyer then further asks by whose death it ended. And we thought lawyers are always very sharp!
Lawyers have always grabbed a great deal of controversy ever since the profession was defined. By subscribing to the world of Lawyers Jokes, you can ensure that you will be exposed to the lighter side of this profession. The many interesting scenarios will keep you engaged till you find release through smiles. A young business woman wants to hire a personal counsel and interviews candidates. She is particularly impressed by a lawyer who boasts of being honest. He says his father invested money in his education but he returned all of it as soon as he got his first case. And his first case was being sued for the money by his father
Whether you are relaxing at home after a strenuous day at work, a student who wants to take some time out from his studies or a housewife who needs some respite from the daily schedule, you just need to subscribe to Lawyers Jokes to get your mood rolling in the right direction!